What to Do When Your Parents Don't Understand You

You try to explain something that matters deeply to you — your feelings, your choices, your faith — and it lands nowhere. They interrupt, they misread you, or they simply don't want to hear it. The same argument plays again and again, and you leave the room feeling unseen in your own home.

That ache is real, and it doesn't mean you love your parents any less. A devotee once told Maharaj Ji almost exactly this: "My parents' behaviour disturbs my day, and when I try to explain, they don't want to listen." His answer was gentle but surprising — and very practical 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?.

Why don't my parents understand me?

In Ekantik Vartalap, Maharaj Ji points out that situations like this do come in life, especially with elderly parents. They have their own nature and will continue to live by it. Their way of thinking is set; ours, because we listen to satsang and reflect, is still able to change 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?.

He also offers compassion for older parents in particular. After sixty or seventy, he notes, a person's mental state can change, and they may speak harshly or even criticise the very children who care for them. Such words, he says, should not be taken to heart 30:4130:41 · 4 minEkantik Vartalapपत्नी और मेरी माता जी में नहीं बनती, दोनों में Bonding कैसे होगी ?.

You may not be able to change how your parents think, but you can always change how you respond — and that is where your peace begins.

This does not mean pretending you have no feelings or opinions. It means accepting that the part of the relationship you can actually work on is your own understanding, your own words and your own conduct. When that changes, the whole conversation changes with it.

Should I argue until they finally get it?

Maharaj Ji's answer is clear: don't argue. When a young man asked what to do because his parents wanted him to pray for worldly wishes and arrange rituals he didn't feel drawn to, Maharaj Ji said there should be no debate. Devotion does not teach opposition or quarrels — it teaches love 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?.

His practical advice is worth reading slowly:

• Don't give them your knowledge. Don't try to impose your understanding or win the point 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?.
• Keep your inner feeling with God. God knows what is in your heart. Pray inwardly: "Lord, do whatever is truly for my good" 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?.
• Support them outwardly when they ask nothing wrong. If what they want is a good act, not a harmful one, go along with it out of respect 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?.

He explains the benefit simply: you lose nothing, you won't get angry, and the relationship at home stays good 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?. Being understood is beautiful, but it is not a condition for living with peace.

The Bhagavad Gita calls speech that causes no distress and is truthful, kind and beneficial the true discipline of speech (Gita 17.15). That is a helpful test before every reply to a parent.

What if their behaviour feels unfair?

Here Maharaj Ji is honest about how hard it can be. When everything is favourable, he says, following dharma is easy. Real victory is when circumstances are unfavourable and you still stay kind 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?. He describes situations many will recognise — you serve your parents well, and still they scold you, or praise others while criticising you in front of relatives 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?.

His advice is not to dwell on their unfairness but to keep behaving well towards them. Such steady goodness, he says, becomes a victory over maya itself and is a form of service that leads toward God 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?. Where parents are still healthy and independent but prefer distance, he suggests a son can simply keep a caring eye from afar, and be ready to serve fully on the day they need help 30:4130:41 · 4 minEkantik Vartalapपत्नी और मेरी माता जी में नहीं बनती, दोनों में Bonding कैसे होगी ?.

One important clarification: this patience is meant for moods, misunderstandings and harsh words. If you are facing physical violence, threats or abuse at home, your safety comes first. Talk to a trusted adult, call 112 in an emergency, and know that Tele-MANAS (14416) is free and available 24×7.

A simple practice for the next hard conversation

1. Before you speak (1 minute): Silently chant a name of God you love. Ask: "Is what I'm about to say truthful, kind and useful?" 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?
2. During the conversation: Listen fully. If it turns into debate, stop. Say gently, "Let's talk later," and leave the topic 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?.
3. If they ask for something good, do it — attend the puja, join the prayer they request, visit the temple with them — while keeping your own prayer inside 22:0222:02 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapभगवान से कुछ नहीं माँगना चाहिए, पर माता पिता इच्छापूर्ति के लिए अनुष्ठान करवाएँ तो क्या करें?.
4. Once a day, do one kind act for them without being asked — even a cup of tea or a few minutes of company 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?.
5. At night (5 minutes): Note one thing they said that hurt and let it go consciously: "They are older; their nature is theirs, my response is mine" 34:0934:09 · 2 minEkantik Vartalapअगर माता पिता अनुचित व्यवहार करें, तो क्या करना चाहिए?30:4130:41 · 4 minEkantik Vartalapपत्नी और मेरी माता जी में नहीं बनती, दोनों में Bonding कैसे होगी ?.

Try this for 30 days and watch how the temperature at home changes. For deeper reading, see why serving parents is the highest dharma and how to keep peace in family conflict.

Feeling misunderstood is painful, but it does not have to make you bitter. Every time you choose love over argument, you are quietly becoming the person your parents will one day be proud to understand.