How to Handle Insult and Criticism Calmly

It may have happened in front of everyone at work. Or at a family gathering, where one sharp sentence left you burning for days. Or it may be someone who smiles at you and speaks badly of you behind your back. Insult and criticism hurt in a particular way: they don't just sting the ego, they replay in the mind long after the moment is over.

If you are carrying words like that right now, you are not overly sensitive. The question of how to bear insult is one of the most frequent in the Ekantik Vartalap satsangs. The guidance is calm and clear, and it is also realistic: it tells you what to do, what not to do, and where to draw a line.

Why does an insult hurt so much?

An insult hits our sense of who we are and how others see us. In Ekantik Vartalap, Maharaj Ji gently widens the view: in worldly life, who is there that ten people don't praise and ten people don't criticise? Even when God came in human form, there were those who abused Him, he notes, mentioning Shishupal, who kept hurling insults at Krishna 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?.

So criticism is not a sign that you are uniquely unlovable. It is part of living among people. The question is not whether it will come, but how you will receive it.

Should I answer back or stay quiet?

The teaching here is direct. If someone abuses you and you abuse them back and start fighting, Maharaj Ji asks, what difference remains between you and them? But if someone abuses you and you smile and walk away, that is the effect of satsang 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?. He advises bearing harsh treatment silently and praying, "May God bless them; may God purify their mind," while letting go of the wish to punish 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?.

This is not the same as becoming a doormat. He is careful to set a limit. Mocking words and criticism can be borne up to a point. But if someone attacks your dharma, your dignity or your life, that becomes a different matter: then take the help of the law, and don't take decisions or create trouble on your own 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?.

Bear the words, protect your peace, and let God and lawful means handle what goes beyond words.

What if they are right about me?

This is where the teaching becomes honest and freeing. A seeker asked how long she should keep bearing someone's hostility. Maharaj Ji drew a distinction 38:4938:49 · 13 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बुरा भला कहे तो आखिर कब तक सहें ?:

• If your words or actions caused someone pain, then sorrow is appropriate. Feel sorry, correct yourself, and resolve not to repeat it. That improves your conduct 38:4938:49 · 13 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बुरा भला कहे तो आखिर कब तक सहें ?.
• If you are walking your path rightly and someone still harbours ill will, that is their own nature troubling them. You cannot control it, so there is no need for you to suffer over it. Stay content, and pray that their mind becomes pure 38:4938:49 · 13 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बुरा भला कहे तो आखिर कब तक सहें ?.

He quotes a traditional saying: forgiveness is stronger than a curse. Your patience can soften the situation in a way that retaliation never can 38:4938:49 · 13 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बुरा भला कहे तो आखिर कब तक सहें ?.

In a similar spirit, he recalls Saint Kabir's well-known advice to keep the critic close, because a critic cleans our nature without soap or water 0:000:00 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बार बार बिना कारण के अपमान और निंदा करे तो क्या करें?16:2516:25 · 5 minEkantik Vartalapहम भक्ति भजन करते हैं तो लोग जलते क्यों हैं ?. A criticism, even an unkind one, can point us to something worth working on.

What does Ekantik Vartalap teach about bearing insult?

Asked what to do when someone insults you repeatedly without reason, Maharaj Ji says that a spiritual person should bear it and pray for the other's good 0:000:00 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बार बार बिना कारण के अपमान और निंदा करे तो क्या करें?. He shares a teaching attributed to Pujyapad Shri Udiya Baba: the mental sting of an insult can be a way past wrongs are settled through the mind rather than the body, so even this pain can purify 0:000:00 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बार बार बिना कारण के अपमान और निंदा करे तो क्या करें?. He also cites Shri Prabodhananda's line that honour is like poison to our merit, while insult is like nectar that washes away faults 0:000:00 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बार बार बिना कारण के अपमान और निंदा करे तो क्या करें?.

He describes how devotees through the ages, including Meera Ji, faced opposition, and how it only made their devotion shine more, like gold that glows in fire 16:2516:25 · 5 minEkantik Vartalapहम भक्ति भजन करते हैं तो लोग जलते क्यों हैं ?. When someone mocks you, his advice is to offer them a silent mental greeting, not to take offence, and simply move on. Then your devotion grows 16:2516:25 · 5 minEkantik Vartalapहम भक्ति भजन करते हैं तो लोग जलते क्यों हैं ?.

The Bhagavad Gita describes a person of steady wisdom as one whose mind is not shaken by sorrow and who is free from fear and anger (Gita 2.56). It also defines disciplined speech as words that are truthful, kind, beneficial and cause no distress (Gita 17.15). That is the standard for our words, even when others' words fall short.

A simple practice when you are insulted

1. Pause before you reply. Say God's name silently, once or a few times, before speaking at all 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?.
2. Smile and step away if you can. You don't owe anyone a fight 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?.
3. Ask one honest question later. "Did I cause hurt here?" If yes, correct it. If no, put it down 38:4938:49 · 13 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बुरा भला कहे तो आखिर कब तक सहें ?.
4. Pray for them by name. "May their mind become pure." This loosens resentment in you too 0:000:00 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बार बार बिना कारण के अपमान और निंदा करे तो क्या करें?38:4938:49 · 13 minEkantik Vartalapकोई बुरा भला कहे तो आखिर कब तक सहें ?.
5. Offer a silent greeting. When you see them next, greet them in your heart and carry on 16:2516:25 · 5 minEkantik Vartalapहम भक्ति भजन करते हैं तो लोग जलते क्यों हैं ?.
6. Know your limit. If words turn into threats or harm, step back and take lawful help 36:2936:29 · 3 minEkantik Vartalapजो लोग मुझसे शत्रुता का भाव रखते हैं और मेरी बुराई करते हैं, उनसे कैसा व्यवहार रखना चाहिए ?.

If anger keeps rising after an insult, read how to control anger. If the hurt is mostly wounded pride, how to get rid of ego may help.

Their words were theirs to speak; your peace is yours to keep. Walk away with it.