How to Handle Problems in Marriage: Premanand Ji's Guidance
· 4 min readहिंदी में पढ़ें
The short answer
In Ekantik Vartalap, Premanand Ji Maharaj teaches that most marital fights come from reacting to what feels unfavourable. When one partner is angry, the other should stay quiet and settle the matter later, calmly. Forgive each other's mistakes, keep nothing hidden that could create doubt, and love by seeking your partner's happiness rather than your own. Violence is never acceptable: anyone facing it should seek help immediately.
Marriage can be the place where you feel most at home — and also the place where you feel most hurt. Maybe the two of you fight over small things every day. Maybe there is a quiet coldness, or a suspicion that has crept in. You don't want to separate, but you also don't know how to stop the cycle.
That exact situation was put before Maharaj Ji by a couple who said, "We quarrel, then we hold grudges, and our whole life is getting affected — but we don't want to separate" 2:34. His guidance to them, and to other couples in Ekantik Vartalap, is simple enough to start today.
This article shares his perspective gently, for anyone who wants to try. Every marriage is different, and every reader deserves respect wherever they are.
Why do husband and wife keep fighting?
In Ekantik Vartalap, Maharaj Ji explains that worldly life runs on two experiences: what is favourable and what is unfavourable. When things go our way we feel attachment and happiness; when they don't, we feel aversion and pain. Spiritual practice is what teaches us to stay even in both 2:34.
He goes deeper in another satsang: much of what we call love is mixed with self-interest. We love because our own desires are being met. True love, he says, is where there is not the slightest wish for one's own happiness — only the wish for the other person's happiness 12:46. When each partner is mainly asking "What am I getting?", friction is inevitable.
The Bhagavad Gita describes this evenness as yoga itself: being the same in success and failure (Gita 2.48). It also shows that one can live fully in household life, offering every action to God, and remain untouched like a lotus leaf on water (Gita 5.10).
What should we do the moment a fight starts?
This is the most practical part of the teaching. When one of you is angry, the other should become quiet. Listen calmly, don't answer back, and don't escalate 2:34. If the anger is very strong, Maharaj Ji suggests stepping out of the house and sitting quietly for half an hour, then coming back 2:34.
He warns that unchecked quarrels can turn into abuse and even violence, so it is wise to stop them early 2:34. Disagreements will happen, he says, but they should not last more than five or ten minutes. A wise person is one who can actually solve the problem, rather than letting it grow 2:34.
To a newly married couple he gave the same advice in other words: if one becomes upset, the other stays calm, and when both are calm, sit together and settle the matter. Never hit, never fight 36:36. He even adds a down-to-earth tip: eat properly, exercise a little, and keep your body healthy — it helps the temper too 2:34.
How do we rebuild trust in a marriage?
Maharaj Ji places great weight on openness. After marriage, he says, there should be no secret area that gives the other person room for doubt. Even an innocent phone call, if hidden, can plant a worm of suspicion in the mind. So be open about who you are speaking with, and let each partner make sure their conduct gives the other no cause for doubt 36:36.
He also suggests a fresh start: whatever happened before marriage, treat it like a previous life and let it go. Don't keep discussing old relationships — begin anew with affection for each other 36:36. And most importantly, forgive the everyday mistakes that every household has 36:36.
His guidance to the husband is especially tender: your wife is half of your own being. Fulfil her wishes, and even if she makes a hundred mistakes, forgive her and give love, not scolding — then the relationship will never break 36:36. For the wife, his traditional advice is to serve the family lovingly so that the home is happy 36:36. Both sides are asked to give, not to keep score.
When is it not okay to "adjust"?
This needs to be said clearly. Patience with moods and harsh words is very different from tolerating violence. When a woman asked Maharaj Ji whether she should bear it if her husband physically harmed her and attempted to take her life, his answer was firm: report it, without delay. Such a person can cause harm at any time, and the authorities must know 8:54.
He states plainly that no one has the right to beat another; punishment belongs to the law, not to a spouse 8:54. So if you or anyone at home is facing violence or threats, your safety comes first. Call 112 in an emergency. Tele-MANAS (14416) is free, confidential and open 24×7 if you need someone to talk to.
A simple practice for couples
- Agree on a signal (today): Choose a word that means "let's pause." When either says it, both stop talking 2:34.
- In the moment: The calmer one stays silent. If it is intense, step outside for 30 minutes, then return 2:34.
- Settle within the day: Once calm, sit together for 10 minutes and resolve the issue — don't carry it to bed 2:3436:36.
- Daily kindness: Do one thing purely for your partner's happiness, expecting nothing back 12:46.
- Shared naam-jap (10 minutes): Remember God together, morning or night. Maharaj Ji says a couple who live with love while remembering God move toward a good destiny 2:34.
Give this 40 days. If anger is the root of most of your fights, our guide on how to control anger can help, and keeping peace in family conflict covers the wider household.
No marriage is without storms. But two people who keep choosing silence over shouting and forgiveness over keeping score can turn even a tired relationship into a quiet, steady companionship.
From the Bhagavad Gita
Bhagavad Gita 2.48
योगस्थः कुरु कर्माणि सङ्गं त्यक्त्वा धनञ्जय ।सिद्ध्यसिद्ध्योः समो भूत्वा समत्वं योग उच्यते ॥
Do your work steady in yoga, letting go of attachment, the same in success and failure. This evenness of mind is called yoga.
Full meaning of Gita 2.48 →Bhagavad Gita 5.10
ब्रह्मण्याधाय कर्माणि सङ्गं त्यक्त्वा करोति यः ।लिप्यते न स पापेन पद्मपत्रमिवाम्भसा ॥
One who acts while offering all work to the Divine, without attachment, stays untouched by sin — like a lotus leaf untouched by water.
Full meaning of Gita 5.10 →Hear it from the source
Ekantik Vartalap clips this article draws on, starting at the relevant moment.
2:34Source for this answerहम दोनों पति पत्नी में बहुत झगड़ा होता है। क्या करें?From 2:34 · 4 min
36:36Source for this answerसफल दाम्पत्य जीवन के लिए पति पत्नी किन किन बातों का ध्यान रखें ?From 36:36 · 10 min
12:46Source for this answerक्या सच्चा प्रेम व्यक्ति के शरीर से नहीं, बल्कि उसके स्वभाव से होता है?From 12:46 · 4 min
8:54Source for this answerअगर पति जानलेवा हमला करे तो पत्नी को क्या करना चाहिए?From 8:54 · 3 min
Frequently asked questions
We fight almost every day. Is that normal in a marriage?
Maharaj Ji acknowledges that in household life, disagreements and moments of friction do happen. What matters is that they stay small — a few minutes, not days — and that the couple actually resolves the issue. A problem that keeps growing without a solution is what damages a home.
What should I do if my spouse hits me or threatens my life?
Your safety comes first. In Ekantik Vartalap, Maharaj Ji says clearly that no one has the right to beat another person, and that a life-threatening spouse should be reported without delay. Call 112 in an emergency, and Tele-MANAS (14416) offers free, confidential support 24×7.
My spouse is suspicious about my phone and calls. How do we fix this?
Maharaj Ji advises that after marriage there should be no 'hidden zone' that can create doubt. Speak openly about who you are talking to, and let both partners take care that nothing in their conduct gives the other reason for suspicion. Transparency on both sides prevents small worries from becoming big wounds.
Should past relationships be discussed between husband and wife?
His suggestion to a newly married couple was to treat whatever happened before marriage as belonging to a 'previous life' — leave it behind, don't keep bringing it up, and begin fresh with affection for each other. Dwelling on the past is often where bitterness starts.
Have a question of your own?
Ask Saarthi in Hindi, English or Hinglish and get an answer grounded in the satsangs, with sources.
This article was written with the help of AI (Claude) from the satsang sources linked above, which are auto-transcribed — please listen to the original for exact words. Saarthi is independent and not affiliated with or endorsed by Shri Premanand Ji Maharaj, his ashram or the Bhajan Marg channel. Not a substitute for medical, legal or mental-health advice.
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